it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
