i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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