Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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