When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
