I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
