sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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