I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize