in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
