I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
