You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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