You're a womanizer and a bitch.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
