I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
