I can tuck mytits in my pants
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
