Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
