...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize