i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
