Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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