He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
