clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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