She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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