She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
