dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
