she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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