how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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