i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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