I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
