i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize