a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
