I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
