I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
