I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
