shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
