Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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