i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
