I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
