Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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