I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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