Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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