It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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