Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
