You really coming over, don't trick.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
