OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize