: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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