the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
