Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What a dumb baby whore.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
