I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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