I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
