I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
