just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
