She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
