then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
