My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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