Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
