She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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