i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
