last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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