Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
