College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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