So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
