...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
