Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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