Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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