you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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