I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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