Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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