It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
