dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
