great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
