We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
