YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
