I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
