I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize